Wednesday, June 30, 2010

It is in the wee hours of the morn 5:47a.m. to be exact. What is it you might ask has me up so early talking to the Lord.....boys. I am going to share this partly because someday you will be going through this and sharing between Moms for me anyway helps soften situations that can be somewhat hard and also partly because if I can put it down in writing maybe I'll handle this better.

Brianna has a prospective boyfriend. Up until now I have come to the Lord over this issue oh about a hundred and one times. Mostly I say Lord please protect her heart, Lord please keep her from boys with bad intentions and a dozen other things I hash out with Him everytime I hear a new name being shared. Oh Lord when the time comes please bring her a Godly man, someone who knows you and Loves you and will love and respect her and lead their family in your sight. We are firm in letting her know that any boy that is interested in spending time with our family and her will need to meet with Daddy answering some questions and Daddy will be sharing his expectations. This by far has sent any boy within a mile of her heading for the hills. "uh, I have to meet your Dad...well forget it then". Yay I say, another one bites the dust. I say to her "any boy worth his salt and has good intentions will want to meet your Dad and be happy to share his intentions. So what does my heart do when she meets someone who meets those standards. I'll be honest here secretly I kind of hoped it would be at least college years before we met this. I give our Bri credit...she has qualities of goodness she in her own mind has somewhat constructed and nobody until now has come close to what she thinks would be a respectable fellow. It has been revealed to me that God has this and He is with her in this area but a good part of me just wants to throw my arms around her and say forget it she's mine Lord and I'll take it from here. she met this boy Michael at vacation bible school. He volunteered to help with the pre-school VBS as did Bri. They have been talking ever since. He aspires to be a Pastor. He can quote scripture. He goes to a different school than Bri which is comforting to me. He wants to meet her Dad and wants her to meet his family. He sounds so great that he scares me to death. I find myself telling Chris privately "get rid of this kid, he is trouble." Of course he's all for that, in his mind Bri is still 4 and should have piggy tails in her hair running around telling everyone her Daddy can fix anything and he is so great. I want God to bring her a Godly man someday so when there is a prospective Godly boy in the ring I want him to go away. Do you understand me? I have to grow up here and be what I need to be which is as protective as a mama bear can be but let go a little so that Bri will let me lead her. I know that if I hold on tooooo tight she will buck me harder than if I am gentle and let go of the reins just a little. Over and over in this teenager stuff I am aware of that. You find new ways to guide them while they feel they are in control, this is hard for this mom who has a more do what I say and don't ask questions kind of style.

I'm thankful for the qualities she finds fitting in a boy. I'm thankful that she talks to me, really talks to me. I'm thankful that she recognizes this is uncharted water and looks to us for direction. She says "let me know what the rules are Mom and what you expect because I don't want to do the wrong thing here. I really like this boy". I can't help my mind from going to "ok the rules are missy you have to stay with us in an amish existence until you are 30 then we'll see". Ugh. I will get to a better place and be what I need to be but let's face it being the parents of a child that will be stepping out into the world making her own way in just three short years just is not easy. I long for those toddler days when a kiss on the forehead made it all better.

Sorry if I babbled.

Hope you have a great day!!!
Love, Chelle

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