I can't believe it has been so long since I posted last.
I just spent the last week trying to enjoy my spring break from school. I say trying because it was also an unfortunate must that I get caught up on everything around here...the taxes, laundry, housework and studying for a big test in anatomy for tomorrow. I did however get to smell the roses and fill up the lovin cup of my kiddos. Took Joe on an date for ice-cream and made homemade cookies with him to take to his class. Helped out in Natty's class then took her out to lunch and spring shopping. Ran Bri all week to rehearsals for her big choir dinner theatre show. Got to see and hear our amazing teenager perform and sing her heart out Sat. night. All in all a pretty great week.
I like school very much. It is amazing learning about the human body. I will be excited once I actually make it into the sonography program next year and all the pre-requisite classes are over. None of it seems gruesome to me, the only part I have been somewhat dissappointed about is how impersonal it all seems to others. Maybe it has to be that way because in dealing with sick people day in and day out you would have to be somewhat not emotional, I get that part. On the flip side I think someone who can be empathetic and act in a sensitive manner would be just as important. I had built up in my heart that this is a Christian school. The reality of it is that some, some of the professors actually pray before taking tests and before big events like the first time we used cadaevers in our labs and you are required to take religion classes and many of the students are Christians. The things I was not expecting was the competitive spirit in this school that is completely a survival of the fittest type of atmosphere. I keep the Lord in the forefront of my mind each day. I love the information, it is like a welcome brain food for me that I much anticipate each week. I keep reminding myself that God has put me here and allowed me to do this for his purposes and try each day to keep my mind open to what that might be. One day I stopped a study session a group of us were involved in to minister to a young mother that is going through a divorce she didn't choose. Everyone else kept talking about the function of cells while this poor girl sat in the corner crying. Seriously there were only five of us in the room. I stopped and asked her for more information and told her we can study for this test later but you need help now. The others looked at me like I was nuts and one woman didn't even look up just kept on studying. After the girl left that woman looked at me and said "I just can't do it, I hear her talking and it becomes something I think about all the time and I don't have time for it now" I said "me too, it becomes something I will think about a lot too and I choose every time it comes to my mind to pray for that girl because God will help her where no one else can and I always have time for that!" then I got up and left. This is one example of my frustration but for the most part it hasn't been that bad. One day God asked me to talk to this man that is in a lot of my classes. I sat down where he had out his religion book. He started ranting about how he hated the religion class and I let him rant then grabbed the book and started kindly asking him questions he couldn't answer. Then he began asking me questions kindly that I could answer with the truth of the Bible. God put me there at that moment and gave me the wisome to answer the tough questions he had and I walked away feeling awestruck of the Lord. The world seems so different to me, more harsh than I ever noticed, more vain than I ever wanted to admit, more broken and painful than I ever realized. God is bringing me into this reality that I am sometimes afraid of. I am afraid thinking this is the world my children are in and how shall I prepare them for this part..the part where so much of the world has become plain synical and hopeless. I share with them some things that happen and how I leaned on God and what he did for me or how he chose to use me. All the while praying they are taking away the lasting message that is upon us each day that we cannot live on self alone that we need that daily, minute by minute relationship with Him because He is the one with the play book. I am reminded with each situation that I have joy and hope and dreams and strength and fearlessness because He is the giver of all good things and it doesn't matter what anyone says to me or thinks of me as long as I know that and keep true to it.
The hands down hardest thing I have had to deal with is the guilt. I am home most days before or soon after my children get home but the amount of homework I have I could have never imagined. Everything is so much faster than when I went to college before and I was not prepared. So much is online and shorter time frames to get work done even though all of my classes are on campus and I have no online classes. Anyway the homework takes me away from some of the quality time I enjoyed with my kids and I can't go on field trips as often and volunteer at school as often. I am working through that part and Chris helps with it. He escorted four pre-schoolers as a room father on a field trip to sing at a retirement home and then to McDonald's two weeks ago because Natty had a meltdown when she realized I couldn't go. He was quick to step in and offer Daddy go instead and she was delighted by that. It made me feel better too, knowing she would have him there and not have to go without a parent. I expect my mama heart will always have a hard time with this and I may never feel better about it until I am done with school and have a more flexible schedule.
Love to you all!! Chelle