Wednesday, June 30, 2010

It is in the wee hours of the morn 5:47a.m. to be exact. What is it you might ask has me up so early talking to the Lord.....boys. I am going to share this partly because someday you will be going through this and sharing between Moms for me anyway helps soften situations that can be somewhat hard and also partly because if I can put it down in writing maybe I'll handle this better.

Brianna has a prospective boyfriend. Up until now I have come to the Lord over this issue oh about a hundred and one times. Mostly I say Lord please protect her heart, Lord please keep her from boys with bad intentions and a dozen other things I hash out with Him everytime I hear a new name being shared. Oh Lord when the time comes please bring her a Godly man, someone who knows you and Loves you and will love and respect her and lead their family in your sight. We are firm in letting her know that any boy that is interested in spending time with our family and her will need to meet with Daddy answering some questions and Daddy will be sharing his expectations. This by far has sent any boy within a mile of her heading for the hills. "uh, I have to meet your Dad...well forget it then". Yay I say, another one bites the dust. I say to her "any boy worth his salt and has good intentions will want to meet your Dad and be happy to share his intentions. So what does my heart do when she meets someone who meets those standards. I'll be honest here secretly I kind of hoped it would be at least college years before we met this. I give our Bri credit...she has qualities of goodness she in her own mind has somewhat constructed and nobody until now has come close to what she thinks would be a respectable fellow. It has been revealed to me that God has this and He is with her in this area but a good part of me just wants to throw my arms around her and say forget it she's mine Lord and I'll take it from here. she met this boy Michael at vacation bible school. He volunteered to help with the pre-school VBS as did Bri. They have been talking ever since. He aspires to be a Pastor. He can quote scripture. He goes to a different school than Bri which is comforting to me. He wants to meet her Dad and wants her to meet his family. He sounds so great that he scares me to death. I find myself telling Chris privately "get rid of this kid, he is trouble." Of course he's all for that, in his mind Bri is still 4 and should have piggy tails in her hair running around telling everyone her Daddy can fix anything and he is so great. I want God to bring her a Godly man someday so when there is a prospective Godly boy in the ring I want him to go away. Do you understand me? I have to grow up here and be what I need to be which is as protective as a mama bear can be but let go a little so that Bri will let me lead her. I know that if I hold on tooooo tight she will buck me harder than if I am gentle and let go of the reins just a little. Over and over in this teenager stuff I am aware of that. You find new ways to guide them while they feel they are in control, this is hard for this mom who has a more do what I say and don't ask questions kind of style.

I'm thankful for the qualities she finds fitting in a boy. I'm thankful that she talks to me, really talks to me. I'm thankful that she recognizes this is uncharted water and looks to us for direction. She says "let me know what the rules are Mom and what you expect because I don't want to do the wrong thing here. I really like this boy". I can't help my mind from going to "ok the rules are missy you have to stay with us in an amish existence until you are 30 then we'll see". Ugh. I will get to a better place and be what I need to be but let's face it being the parents of a child that will be stepping out into the world making her own way in just three short years just is not easy. I long for those toddler days when a kiss on the forehead made it all better.

Sorry if I babbled.

Hope you have a great day!!!
Love, Chelle

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Special Day.

Today God's one and only Son became the Savior to my one and only son Joseph.

This day Thursday June 24th 2010 Joseph Beck accepted the salvation of Jesus Christ.

God gives us precious moments with our children. Sitting on my bed listening to my son ask Jesus to come inside of him and help him to always be good and keep him from bad so that he could live forever with God is by far one of the most precious.

Love to all.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Fun Summer Evening

AAAhhh Summer!!!!

I love it!!! The kids are out of school and enjoying freedom. I am enjoying them.

Today Chris bought them a trampoline. Our kids have never had one of their own, only borrowed time playing on the one our dear friends the Browns own. I noticed how much they enjoyed bouncing to the sky this past time we visited so I vowed to make sure we got them one for the summer. Today was that day. They cheered and clapped as Daddy built it up. After that the fun began.

All of the kids had their rounds of jumps. It wasn't long before the kid in my sweet husband was calling and he went running to get on. Jose yells "oh no here comes big "C"...look out" seconds later was my husband jumping to the sky. The kids thought it was hilarious. I told him he was crazy but soon I too found myself wanting to jump. I wasn't sure those springs would hold this big mama but Big "C" assured me he attached 72 springs and it was all good so in I went. We laughed and
jumped and played ring around the rosey and then jumped to fall down. It did my heart such good to play like that and enjoy my children.

At dusk the fire flys were out. We looked out into the corn field and saw thousands of them, it was soooo beautiful. Joseph said it looked like a hundred stars jumping out of the corn.

I praise you Lord for the family you hath gifted me and consider it as close to heaven on Earth these nights like this.

Hope your summer is as sweet!
Love, Chelle

Monday, May 10, 2010

Mother's Day After-Glow

I hope all of you Mom's had the best day yesterday. It is one day a year that we get to be well... kind of selfish and try not to feel guilty and just enjoy it. Mother's Day has always meant a lot to me, a time to enjoy my mom, enjoy my children, reflect as a mother of where I've been and how I intend to move forward. This year was a bit different than in the past but I think perhaps the most special Mother's Day I've ever enjoyed with my children. Traditionally we have always gone to my Mom's house on Mother's day. We make a big to do with a homemade supper for her that my sister's and I share in labor, we bring gifts and sit on her patio all day and laugh and carry on while our children play with their cousins. A lovely day for all. Last year things changed a bit with Mom's new husband. We went to her new house with him in Springfield on a Friday night so that she could go with him to Indiana on Mother's Day to visit his mom. This year I was pretty sure that Mother's day with her would not happen at all so I prepared myself to enjoy the day with my children. As we grow things change and I had decided to embrace this change with anticipating spending a special day with just the children and it was sheer joy.

The day went like this. Each child went about bringing me their extra special treasures they had made for me one by one. Bri bought some flowers for us to plant together, Joseph made me the most beautiful hardback adventure he had written about a boy and his mom in a big red bus-he had illustrated it too with the most creative pictures, Natalie had put her handprints on a little towel with her name painted beside her hands. Each one so different and each one so special. Then we went off to church and I enjoyed the Mother's day sermon with Chris' arm around me the whole service. After church the kids and I had some lunch and Chris went off to his Mom's to honor her. After lunch the kids and I headed to Richmond to see the movie Tooth Fairy which was delightful. During the car ride about 25 min. each way Bri read to us from a book about an Amish family she's been enjoying. I so loved hearing her read out loud, with each word I reflected of how grown up she is and how she has grown to be such a sweet person and I wondered how she will be as a mother some day. That evening I made a nice supper for us all. After kissing them goodnight and tucking them in tears welled in my eyes as I turned out the lights listening to Joe and Natty talking to one another saying "this was the best day in my whole life...we got to spend the whole day with just Mom"!
The melody to that song Amy Grant sings "Better than a Hallelujah Sometimes" played in my head much of the day and I thought I know what she means. Lately I cry out to Him so often, life can be hard. I think He must get tired of me asking Him to help me out. But then I think about my own children and how I never really get tired or worn of them needing me. I love them, I so want them to need me and I so need them. I thank God he entrusted them to me and with each caring look and each sweet word spoken that day I felt such a love from my babies and my heart was so full of joy I thought I might just bust wide open. With each tough discussion and each prayer for wisdom I think "Better than a hallelujah sometimes."
How blessed am I to have such a life as this and be loved so much by so many.
Brianna, Joseph and are the most special, unique, loving, caring, wonderful children and I thank God each day for allowing me the pleasure of being your mama. I consider it an honor this most special and absolutely most important job God gave me. I love each of you so deeply with all my heart. Thank you for such a lovely day, I shall cherish it always.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Family Update.

Here I am posting on my in-between semester break. I don't have a lot of free time so when I do have it time is spent playing catch up and spending as much time with the kids and Chris as possible. I have enjoyed this last week so much. I've cleaned my house, caught up laundry, caught up business paperwork and worked cleaning houses. This is a never ending process as in all households but for at least this week I feel victorious in being ahead of it rather than behind.

School is somewhat winding down for the kids so evenings aren't so loaded with homework. Last night we rented a movie. Monday night I taught Natty how to sew by hand. She is currently working on sewing a blanket for Barbie's bed in her Barbie Dream house, pink of course. Tonight we will finish cleaning out old toys to take
some to a little boy who doesn't have any toys and some to Goodwill. The next few nights we will be planting our garden and flowers boxes, mowing and cleaning things up outside.

So proud of Bri. Her choir had concert a last week. The girls had all decided to wear formal dresses. These girls came walking out with dresses that in my opinion were an embarrassment. The low cuts and ridiculously short lengths were not so appropriate and many parents looked surprised. There stood our Bri in a nice tea length dress respectable enough for church. One mother came over and whispered in my ear "please tell your daughter she looks beautiful and tell her thank you for being so respectful". I know it was not easy for Bri to stand there next to all those girls feeling out of place as she often does but she stole the show in my opinion and didn't even know it. I was quick to pass along the compliment that was given. She had a teacher that was extremely kind to her on the trip she took to Chicago with her class. I passed an extra thank you to this teacher after the choir show, she said, "we love that little Brianna, she has such a value system in her that we don't often see..tell her to keep up the good work". I just had to toot my proud mama horn for my girl. Bri continues to dream of going to college to become a Vet. I am working on a visit to UK vet school this summer. This seems to be the school she talks about the most. They are supposed to have a good program specializing in equine healthcare. I am hoping to set up a tour of the campus and then I'd like to take her to the Kentucky horse park as a surprise. Hope it all works out.
We are working with Joe and his interest or should I say lack of interest in reading. We have developed an incentive program for him. Each book he reads he gets a coin...after 20 coins he gets to pick the family fun time of his choice. Saturday we are going bowling as a reward. I have to keep changing things up in this area for him as this tends to be his challenge but his reading has improved greatly and we look forward to the family fun we get out of it.
Chris and I got to go out on another good date last Fri. Two weekends in a row. This time we went to Tipp City and had supper in their historic district then shopped the antique shops. Later we went to Kohl's to get him some new shirts then to Coldstone Creamery for some desert. It was so nice to be alone with him, I miss him when we are so busy.
I have started planning for summer. VBS-plans Adventure on the High Seas, I get to do the bible point again with the help of Bri and my nieces. We will go on a family camp-out in the Big Red Bus at the end of July. After my summer school semester ends in the middle of July I plan to take the kids on weekly Friday adventures hoping for a trip to the Airforce museum, Conner Prairie, Indianapolis Children's Museum, Dayton Parks, maybe the Boonshoft Museum. Not sure if it will all happen but I want to squeeze all the fun I can into those six weeks with lots of park and pool days too. Joe and Natty are going to take swimming lessons and Bri will be barrel racing horses this summer. Can't wait.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Family Update.

I can't believe it has been so long since I posted last.

I just spent the last week trying to enjoy my spring break from school. I say trying because it was also an unfortunate must that I get caught up on everything around here...the taxes, laundry, housework and studying for a big test in anatomy for tomorrow. I did however get to smell the roses and fill up the lovin cup of my kiddos. Took Joe on an date for ice-cream and made homemade cookies with him to take to his class. Helped out in Natty's class then took her out to lunch and spring shopping. Ran Bri all week to rehearsals for her big choir dinner theatre show. Got to see and hear our amazing teenager perform and sing her heart out Sat. night. All in all a pretty great week.

I like school very much. It is amazing learning about the human body. I will be excited once I actually make it into the sonography program next year and all the pre-requisite classes are over. None of it seems gruesome to me, the only part I have been somewhat dissappointed about is how impersonal it all seems to others. Maybe it has to be that way because in dealing with sick people day in and day out you would have to be somewhat not emotional, I get that part. On the flip side I think someone who can be empathetic and act in a sensitive manner would be just as important. I had built up in my heart that this is a Christian school. The reality of it is that some, some of the professors actually pray before taking tests and before big events like the first time we used cadaevers in our labs and you are required to take religion classes and many of the students are Christians. The things I was not expecting was the competitive spirit in this school that is completely a survival of the fittest type of atmosphere. I keep the Lord in the forefront of my mind each day. I love the information, it is like a welcome brain food for me that I much anticipate each week. I keep reminding myself that God has put me here and allowed me to do this for his purposes and try each day to keep my mind open to what that might be. One day I stopped a study session a group of us were involved in to minister to a young mother that is going through a divorce she didn't choose. Everyone else kept talking about the function of cells while this poor girl sat in the corner crying. Seriously there were only five of us in the room. I stopped and asked her for more information and told her we can study for this test later but you need help now. The others looked at me like I was nuts and one woman didn't even look up just kept on studying. After the girl left that woman looked at me and said "I just can't do it, I hear her talking and it becomes something I think about all the time and I don't have time for it now" I said "me too, it becomes something I will think about a lot too and I choose every time it comes to my mind to pray for that girl because God will help her where no one else can and I always have time for that!" then I got up and left. This is one example of my frustration but for the most part it hasn't been that bad. One day God asked me to talk to this man that is in a lot of my classes. I sat down where he had out his religion book. He started ranting about how he hated the religion class and I let him rant then grabbed the book and started kindly asking him questions he couldn't answer. Then he began asking me questions kindly that I could answer with the truth of the Bible. God put me there at that moment and gave me the wisome to answer the tough questions he had and I walked away feeling awestruck of the Lord. The world seems so different to me, more harsh than I ever noticed, more vain than I ever wanted to admit, more broken and painful than I ever realized. God is bringing me into this reality that I am sometimes afraid of. I am afraid thinking this is the world my children are in and how shall I prepare them for this part..the part where so much of the world has become plain synical and hopeless. I share with them some things that happen and how I leaned on God and what he did for me or how he chose to use me. All the while praying they are taking away the lasting message that is upon us each day that we cannot live on self alone that we need that daily, minute by minute relationship with Him because He is the one with the play book. I am reminded with each situation that I have joy and hope and dreams and strength and fearlessness because He is the giver of all good things and it doesn't matter what anyone says to me or thinks of me as long as I know that and keep true to it.

The hands down hardest thing I have had to deal with is the guilt. I am home most days before or soon after my children get home but the amount of homework I have I could have never imagined. Everything is so much faster than when I went to college before and I was not prepared. So much is online and shorter time frames to get work done even though all of my classes are on campus and I have no online classes. Anyway the homework takes me away from some of the quality time I enjoyed with my kids and I can't go on field trips as often and volunteer at school as often. I am working through that part and Chris helps with it. He escorted four pre-schoolers as a room father on a field trip to sing at a retirement home and then to McDonald's two weeks ago because Natty had a meltdown when she realized I couldn't go. He was quick to step in and offer Daddy go instead and she was delighted by that. It made me feel better too, knowing she would have him there and not have to go without a parent. I expect my mama heart will always have a hard time with this and I may never feel better about it until I am done with school and have a more flexible schedule.

Love to you all!! Chelle

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Safety and Security

I've been thinking about that phrase safety and security these past few days and what it really means. Locked doors, security systems, close loved ones, a strong protective husband, feeling loved, a Lord to watch over us and all the things that pop into my head when that phrase rolls off of my lips. I think how would I really react when put to the test. Like ok Lord it is just you and me on a late, dark night in the Wal-mart parking lot or after putting my children to bed at night with a husband miles away working and pray just you and me Lord please get us through this night safe and unharmed..many scenarios come to mind but none really stick, none really stick because praise God, nothing horrible like that has ever really been that close to me or ever happened that I would be tested to trust in God in such a way.

This all changed for my family Sunday Jan. 3, 2010. My family was shaken to the core of what the world has become, what it is capable of and we are forever changed. I write this as an act of preserving history. Someday my children should know and I keep this blog as a diary for them. No comments are needed as there is nothing anyone can say that really confronts such an ugly act and prayer is the only means of healing.

My sweet Grandmother's name is Juanita McClain. When I was a child she taught me about growing things, especially roses which were her pride. She always put aloe on our burns and cuts taken from her own home grown aloe plant. I remember her showing me the curtains she had made especially for my playhouse that my Grandfather had made for me when I was 10. She made a spiced birthday cake for every person in my family every year on their birthdays until we left home. We dressed proper for supper at her house and I always thought that the table was prepared so grand that it looked like it was taken from a picture in one of those magazines my mother had. She was to me the ultimate of women...kind, gentle, always spit spot, beautiful, she took the time to make everything just so. She married my Grandfather when my father was a junior in high school, giving him a mother he had never had. She helped my Grandfather with whatever he needed her to and took such good care and loved him in a way that no one else could for 33 years. In that 33 years they had built a wonderful life together. A nice business and a fine home in the country. Their home is way back off the road up on a hill surrounded by a perfectly groomed grounds of trees, pond, woods and farmland. My Grandfather died 2 1/2 years ago. He was a lion, a protector, a person whose word was honorable and whose actions always had meaning. He was a legend in my mind and a savior to my sweet Grandmother. I miss him deeply but even more so I miss him for her. I do so wish he could wrap his strong arms of steel around her and comfort her just once more.

On Sunday evening Jan. 3rd around 7:30 Juanita my grandmother was in her basement paying bills. She finished and headed up the steps only to be met my two men in ski masks, one holding a gun on her. For the next few hours that followed these men took her from room to room making her show them where she had all the valuables she owned hidden in her home. They told her over and over they would kill her if she didn't cooperate. When they were done with what they needed from her, they pushed her down and then put her in a chair and wrapped duct tape around her and locked her in her bedroom closet. She then sat in her closet for hours listening to these men ransack and rob her home. Around 9:00 the next morning light shown under the door she worked her way free from the tape. She had told these men that she was very asthmatic and she would die without her inhaler so they had tied her arms a bit more loosely so she could take her inhaler. This is what was able to help her get free. She then slipped past the basement door grabbed her coat and ran for the neighbor's house to call 911. The robbers were gone by this time and had taken thousands of dollars in cash, valuables and her car. The story was put on every Dayton news channel. My sister and I cried from our homes Monday night as we watched the TV news and listened to our sweet Grandma's voice in the 911 call they played. This voice of love and kindness that we've known all our lives changed into a voice of absolute fear and a voice that crackled under the sheer emotional pain she had endured. In my whole life I will never get this out of my mind and I can never imagine this kind of fear, this kind of horror, this kind of pain, this kind of security being taken away at a moments notice. I am angry that someone would do this to another. My Grandmother in all of her strength and wits was able to take off her wedding ring and hide it in her pocket when the robbers were not looking. It warms my heart the love she has for my Grandfather. Christ is her savior and she will endure this. She will endure and get beyond not being able to left alone, she will get past seeing those men in her mind in her home. I praise you Lord for saving her for I am so well aware this outcome could have been sooo very different without you. I pray peace be warmed into her heart that her mind be relieved of this constant agitation.
I praise you Lord for answering the prayers sent up that these people would be caught quickly. Tuesday these men and a woman (who as it turns out is my Grandmother's cousin) were caught driving her car with some of the stolen goods in it in Dayton. These people are in custody and have been brought back to Darke County and are being charged with aggravated robbery, kidnapping, grand theft auto and a list of other charges. I do so pray justice be brought and they are imprisoned for a lifetime. All the money and all the things are just that... things. They can be replaced or learned to live without but they took away the place she feels closest to Grandpa, a home she's known for so very long a Camelot of such that my Grandparents had built together. It is doubtful that she will ever live there again.

When put to the test the only true security we have is our trust in Christ as our Savior. He is the only security that is unfailing, the only thing that we can really grasp and hold on to at any given moment. The moment when we can't reach the phone or can't make it to the car or can't run fast enough or God sparing we are put into a situation of absolute terror, Christ will see us through to the morning light.

Psalm 32:7 You are my hiding place, you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.

Please keep Juanita McClain in your prayers for she will need them for so long.